“Tell me about yourself.”
“Where would I start? Let’s see, I like to think am original. I don’t know, am just me.”
That was her. That was who she was. Real, original, creative, fun, and always not knowing. V was a bold girl. A rare combination of beauty, brain and muscle. She wasn’t exactly the hottest girl in town, but she got one two compliments a day. She also had a great body; a well rounded ass, sexy thighs, rounded breasts, a flat tummy and a beautiful straight back, the kind of body girls would kill for. She had lots of things going for her, yet she never admitted it. Always subtle, that was V’s style. Asked to explain, she always had the same response, “I don’t know, it’s just who I am.”
At 22, she felt like she had not gotten enough from life, like she wasn’t where she was supposed to be, not that she knew where she was supposed to be. She had a lot going for her. She had a supportive family, not a solid family though. She was the one member who got along with everyone, the common bond, the tie. For his particular reason, she’d grown up just. She hated conflicts, she hated mob justice, except, of course, to rapists. She would often stand up for people who couldn’t stand up for themselves, and she was quick to forgive an honest mistake. Her class teacher in high school, Mr. Mudi, thought she had the makings of a good leader. So did her father and many of her friends. Everyone who knew her enough shared the same conviction.
Her Father, Titus Mbudu, a fifty year old primary school headteacher holding a degree in education, Geography and Kiswahili, with more money than his salary could account for, was the one man she loved and admired. He wasn’t perfect, but he had what she needed in a father. He was strong, resilient, and that’s what she admired most about him. She had seen him face trying times with as little as a dilated superficial temporal vein. She was determined to be like him, if not better. V loved her mother, Leba, and she knew her mother loved her too. But she’d grown up without her and they had a very shallow relationship. She just never knew how to get along with her mother. And now it was necessary, since her mother was raising V’s little girl, Ara. V loved her siblings. They were always there for each other, and they respected her.
A go-getter. Some of her friends thought of her as an alpha female. Vonech insisted that she was an introvert. This wasn’t common knowledge as V had always been the noise maker in the room since childhood. After Vonech pointed it out, she sat down to think it through. She talked a lot, yes, but she didn’t say much. She hated staying in a room full of people, and silence. Her paranoia made her feel like they would be talking about her or reading her mind. She dreaded having her mind read. She had crazy imaginations and she didn’t want people figuring that out. In addition to that, she kept many secrets. Some were hers, but most were friends’. She was good at keeping secrets, even though she felt burdened by them mostly. It cost her her esteem sometimes, but to her, a secret was meant to be kept and that was what she did with them.
For this reason, her friends trusted her. Some were unfaithful to their partners, others had far worse secrets, and she kept them all. To her, talking was a way of running away from having to think about them, thinking about them meant exposing them. For the same reason, she avoided drinking in large groups. She dreaded having to get wasted and start ranting about her personal life. She hated to draw attention to herself. Yet, in so doing, she would end up looking like an attention seeker. It bugged her.
Generally, she wasn’t a party animal. She preferred solitude. She would stay in her house naked all weekend rather than go out with her friends to party and have fun. She had fun all the same. Her own way. She liked doing things her own way. She followed instructions if there was no other option. She loathed orders. She also hated it when people thought they knew what she had to do better than she did. Sometimes she put up with it, sometimes she coughed it out. She wanted more, she wanted to be able to live among people without so much fear. But hard as she pushed herself, she felt like a misfit everywhere she went. She’d tried trusting, but every time she got let down, she trusted less and less. Yes! complicated, simple, smart, dumb, talkative, introverted, that was V. She was always among the bright students in her class, yet more often than not, she was made a fool out of. She never wore makeup. Not that she had anything against it, she found it unnecessary. She knew her lips would look even more luscious with lipstick on them, Sam always told her that. She just never bothered to try it. Sam was a trusted friend, a close friend, and she was always comfortable around him. Samkefa, that’s what she called him at times. That is, when she wasn’t calling him all sorts of nicknames. She was so fond of him, and she often got jealous when he behaved the same way towards other girls. She knew it was stupid, but she couldn’t help it.
V had a great heart. She was generous and kind. She could love, and when she did, she was insane. She always prevented herself from hating, said it made her feel heavy. So when she couldn’t forgive, she would become indifferent. She was mean, and sweet, especially to those she loved. Unfortunately, she had never been lucky in love. The guy was either too soft for her taste or way too arrogant to be tolerated. She’d met Martin. He’d been unfaithful more than once. She’d met Joel, he’d been distrusting; always questioning her talkative and charming nature. She’d then given up dating and had resolved to non-committal flings. They always hurt, given that she’d had to share the guy, more than once. She met Ask, and went to bed with him, even though he had a girlfriend. She felt guilty, ashamed, especially when she found out that Ask wasn’t about to dump his two-year girlfriend for a dalliance. She decided to try her luck elsewhere, met one Darwesh and bore his child. Darwesh never came through, Ask dumped her for someone better. Someone should have warned him, there was no better, only treacherous. She wasn’t going to be that someone. V was a sucker for honesty. She would never sleep with two guys at the same time. If a relationship went wrong and she ended up with someone else, she would always inform the predecessor. It had happened twice, and it never ended well, and she never learnt.
That girl V. A girl with such an intriguing nature. She often found herself researching about herself. Talented, bold, shy, and with an authoritative voice. She oozed confidence and itelligence, scared most men away. At first it bothered her. Then she got used to it and found it flattering. Confused and organized. She looked ordinary, she wasn’t. It didn’t require hours of study to notice that about her. She loved herself, she hated herself. Most of the time she wasn’t sure what she wanted, but now she did. Just this once she felt like she knew exactly what she wanted – a steady relationship. She was tired of hiding and running. She wanted love, and she was going to get it. Did i mention she was a go-getter?