REMINISCENCES 3

The next morning, she felt a new wave of freedom. She hadn’t felt it in a long time. She attended class, did her assignments, narrated about Matthew’s incident to Angela then left it at that. She hadn’t met Sam then. She was friends with the guy Angela was seeing, and his friends. She had a crush on Tevis at that time. The feelings had developed given she spent a lot of time around him and his best friend, who was Angela’s boyfriend. Tevis was this tall lean guy. V loved lean guys.

Matthew found her and explained that nothing had happened between him and the girl. He said she was a friend who had visited. The locked door according to him was something he did all the time. The switched off lights were because the friend was watching a movie. He apparently was sleeping the entire time. V didn’t care about any of that, it wasn’t worth the trouble. She explained to him that it didn’t matter and that she would never trust him. However, because she was looking for a rebound, she decided to sleep with him, and she couldn’t remember having done it.

The first time they had tried, the condoms he had were small, they choked his erection. V watched him for a while then gave it up. The second time they’d tried, he’d turned out to be too big for her. She wasn’t wet either. She resorted to blowing him. He came and that was the end of it that day. When the third attempt failed, they decided that this was never meant to happen and so they decided to give it up. They hooked up some time after that and he fingered her to a loud orgasm. V couldn’t help it – he was good with his fingers. In return, she gave him head. It was only fair.

After Joel had realized that she was gone and wasn’t coming back, he started to chase her. He tried to bed her once but V protested. When he couldn’t understand why she was rejecting him, she explained that she had done it with someone else. They left each other alone eventually.

V had a feeling that Matthew liked her. However, after that incidence at his place, she knew she would never let him close. She didn’t even care that it was true, she only cared that if she let him close, he had the power to hurt her incredibly. So she told him that they could never be. Besides, she was well aware that if she had to keep having sex, it had to be worthwhile. She and Matthew were somewhat incompatible bed-wise.

She got really close to Tevis, but he warned her not to. V at some point thought of going back to church. There was clearly something wrong with her, something that repulsed men when she needed them. There was something else about her, something that drew them back to her when she didn’t. V knew she was a good girlfriend when she wanted to be. And her game had improved tremendously with time. She knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it. She owed all that to Joel. He’d been good at it.

After Matthew, V tried unprotected s3x again after having had that with Martin. It was mind-blowing. It was meaningful. It was scary. It was unsafe. It was what people had said sex should be like. But when her periods gave her a fright, she knew there had to be a limit to that kind of sex. However, she started to loathe protection and so she would stay for as long as it took without having sex rather than have sex with a stranger. She’d stopped dating altogether. Joel was the last guy that she was ever going to let herself be stupid with. The V in love was a stupid V, the kind of V that always hunted for pain. She didn’t like that side of her and so she opted to ditch it altogether.

V had been single for long when Kelv happened. She’d gotten used to that kind of life: the life where she did not have to answer to anyone, the kind of life where she was left to her own devices, where she was in charge of her faculties. She decided she wasn’t keeping grudges anymore. She had forgiven all. She was happy. When she met Kelv, she thought he was attractive. She liked his composed nature. She was intrigued by his shyly concealed confidence. She wasn’t going to do anything about it though. She felt insecure and uneasy in his presence at first. Then she grew close to him and in no time he was her best friend. Most of her other friends had outgrown their purpose. Nath was still her friend though. They had remained close even though they both knew that that was all they could ever be.

This was also about the same time she met Steve, who introduced her to his amazing friends. Steve was her classmate. They met for purposes of revision, but after she liked his company, he became an all-round friend. She quickly grew close to them. V now had a new set of friends.

The constant in her life was Angela. Friends came and went but Angela stayed. They’d been together through the good times and the bad. They had had fun. They had had several fights; some serious, some stupid. Their first serious fight happened when Angela told her boyfriend about Matthew. V felt like she’d lost trust in her friend. She didn’t like how involved Angela’s boyfriend was in her life. V had a lot of drama going on in her life. She couldn’t help having several other people talking about it. The guy could not keep a secret. For this treason, she decided to distance herself from him and his friends. After a while, Angie too became friends with V’s new friends. She too agreed they were fun.

When things got complicated with Kelv, she’d gotten herself a daughter. She and Kelv had hurt each other a lot after that. She apologized so many times that at some point it frazzled her. She wanted so bad to move on. She couldn’t bring herself to use sex to get over him like she’d done before. She’d tried it, it’d had ended in an ugly fashion. So she waited. Finally, he gave her a good reason. She got out there. She had a daughter now. Things were different. She knew she could no longer play around with boys. She needed something serious. She wanted a man she could take care of. She was ready to stay single. She wasn’t scared anymore. Wait, she was. She was scared of being vulnerable. She was scared of pregnancy. Those nine months hadn’t been funny. She’d carried too much weight on her, and not just physical. She’d had friends to rely on but she tried so hard to hold it all in. She never let them see her cry. She smiled and played strong. After delivery, she started to deal with it all. She got herself together. She watched her body, her dressing, her looks; she couldn’t allow herself to lose it. Things started to get brighter. She got better. She flirted a lot. She kissed Psi, she got dry-humped once. But she wasn’t ready for sex yet. She was scared her kegels weren’t as strong as they’d been before delivery. She ran from sex. She flirted with Ali dangerously. She was hot for him, but scared; seven months of no sex was no joke. When she and Ali happened, her life took a U-turn. Just like that everything was forgiven. All that had hurt her were no longer important. She had back the power she’d lost a long time ago. She could tell men NO once more. Her exes were on her case; all of them, including those she’d not gone all the way with. She wasn’t afraid to turn any of them down, and she did it indiscriminately. She felt as good as new. She had found a confidant, a friend, a companion, a trustee, a man, a lover, and everything else she wanted. She loved to take care of Ali. That was what she’d been looking for. She was going to keep it with everything she had. She’d never been one to fight for men. She had the habit of walking away at the slightest hunch. This time round, however, she would stay and fight. She’d tried to walk away but she couldn’t. She felt like a woman: a complete woman.

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Published by: andefwa

I say it as it is. I get into trouble a lot for this reason. but then again, am an artist. And that's just how it is in our world. I have trouble with expressing myself at times. so I find it easier to let it out in third, or fourth person hihi. that in itself is a secret i just said right there. so keep it that way,will you? :-P ;-)

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