Jimmy went MIA again for a while. V completely understood. She gave him space; maybe it was for the best. She heard from him once when he gave her a photo to draw, to test how she was faring. V did the drawing but on the day she was to give it back she never heard from him. She tried to contact him again after that but was unsuccessful. It was now December. Ali had never showed up, V had learnt to live with that. When he promised he would come for Christmas, he canceled. He said he would come for New Year’s instead. She knew he wouldn’t come but she decided to play along. Jimmy finally collected the drawing and commented it was good. She’d met him at a bus stop because the day he wanted the drawing, she had something else to attend to.
January, the next year, V felt different. No more promise tying her down; maybe this year would be great. She threw herself out there applying for jobs and drawing and doing other proactive things. She got some temporary jobs, she made new temporary friends… life was good. She’d left Ali alone finally. She’d lost touch with Jimmy, especially after he’d lost his phone. In February, Ali contacted her again and wished her a happy valentine’s day. V felt angry, then pleased, then angry again. Everything she’d safely stashed away was quietly coming back to her. She knew the misery that awaited her. And she knew she would soon be begging for his attention again. She wanted to yell at him and tell him to go to hell, but she wanted to do that in person. So she made a mental note she would see him in person, whatever it took.
After a series of masturbations and self loathing and porn and depression, she felt good again. She was no longer interested in sex with anyone. The very thought of it upset her. She’d started to go to church again. She filled her days with work and art. Later that month, Jimmy called. He didn’t give details; he only said he wanted to see her. V figured it had something to do with the drawing she’d done and art in general so she went to see him. When she went to see Jimmy, the memories of everything they’d done had faded. It also helped that he was dating the second girl since they’d lost touch. The first hadn’t been exciting, apparently, and he was seeing the second. He had posted her face everywhere and had proclaimed his love, V didn’t care; she wasn’t interested.
She went to see him at his uncle’s place. She was sure he didn’t live there but she had no idea where he lived and never bothered to ask.
“Long time, V, how have you been?”
“Did your boyfriend finally show up?”
“I’d rather not talk about that.”
“So, you missed me, didn’t you?”
“For a while. But now am good.”
“Oh please, if you hadn’t missed me you wouldn’t come when I called”
“Is that the only reason I would come? We did some bit of art together, remember?”
“And we had good times too. I know you’re just being stubborn.”
V realized that perhaps he wasn’t as over it as she was. She decided to get out of the conversation.
“So, how’s the girlfriend?”
“She’s really nice. Here’s her photo.”
I’ve seen those everywhere. “Ok.” She grabbed his phone and started to go through it. “I see, no more porn, huh?”
“I lost the other phone and I choose to keep this one clean.”
“Your girlfriend, you told me you’re into skinny girls”
“She’s not exactly big. If anything, she’s one size bigger than you.”
“And I’m big”
“No, you’re not”
“So anyway, how’ve you been? You took the drawing and disappeared, I never heard from you again.”
“I lost my phone, then it took a while to get another, but here we are… you must have really missed me.” V didn’t respond. She was tired of going through the same conversation again. “I missed you. That’s why I asked to see you. Then I was scared you wouldn’t come.”
“Ok, well so am here now. Any good news for me?”
“That drawing you did was so good; I was thinking to get you connected to a friend so that you can be aired on TV. Plus I’ve been following you and I must admit your drawings are really good.”
Finally something! “Aww… that would be really nice”
“You know I have connections to most celebrities, I could also hook you up.”
V loved the sound of that. She smiled. She was finally going places. Then he moved close to her and clasped one of her boobs.
“What are you doing?”
“I know you missed me. If you hadn’t you wouldn’t have come. And I missed you too, especially these babies. You’re going places, you know?” V felt upset. What did he think she was? He had a girlfriend, and plus did he really think that name-dropping would get her to shade off her panties? “And I had so much fun going down on you; you know how to keep your pussy clean.”
“Will you just stop? I’m not doing this with you, ok?”
“Why not? You said your boyfriend didn’t come and last year you told me the promise was for last year”
“Yea, well, I haven’t gotten over him yet. Plus you have a girlfriend.”
“You know you were so clean and just so sweet…”
He was crawling over her, panting. He was, for some reason, horny. He tried to kiss her. V pushed him away and looked straight into his eyes, surprised and clearly angry.
“What’s come over you, Jimmy, will you stop that already?”
“Do you have to raise your voice? Someone could hear you.”
“I will scream if you keep this up.”
He laughed dryly, “You wouldn’t do that. I know you want this just as much as I do. Remember how wet you were last time?”
“I do not want this. I don’t want anything”
“So why did you come”
“You called! And we usually meet for art”
He laughed again.” You’re so stubborn, I like that”
He was on top of her; he’d wittily gotten her under him. V realized that she had to get out of this one way or the other. The guy was delusional and stuck in the past. Several months had gone by, how did he expect her to still be stuck on the idea of what could have happened?
“Jimmy, snap out of it, you’re starting to scare me”
“Come on, I know I will turn you on and then you will let me pleasure you. I know you miss it, how long has it been? And please keep your voice down, seriously.”
V stopped struggling. Her first defense mechanism was to lay still and let him realize she wasn’t interested and let her go, because what kind of guy would go on and have s3x with a log? He suckled her tits and twisted her nipples. Things like these would normally turn her on but now she was just upset and was laying motionless waiting for him to give up. He huffed and puffed and caressed her like he would tear her skin off. It felt disgusting and sloppy, she wanted it to stop. Then he went for her pants. This time it was easier because she was not in jeans. He pushed them to her knees. She had to part her knees to prevent him from pushing them any further.
When she did that, he assumed she was on board, and though she was not reacting, he decided to push forward. He went down on her, she didn’t respond, he tried to kiss her, she looked the other way. Then he pushed up and tried to push his penis into her, V put her knees back together. He moved upwards and shoved it in her mouth instead. She thought of biting it, but figured that was gross and dramatic. She was annoyed, not evil. He pulled it out and pushed it back. He was raping her in the mouth; the horror! V squeezed her lips tight. He gave up and went back to terrorize her in the garden area. V put her legs together, he pulled her pants down, when she put them apart to stop him, he tried to penetrate her. It was sort of a game to him. At this point he must have figured she didn’t want this but he kept going. V was getting angrier by the minute, especially with the games he was playing with her pants. She knew for a fact that he had blown any chance he ever had with her.
Then suddenly she couldn’t take it. Especially when at one point between the parting and uniting of her knees he almost succeeded in shoving his penis down her already wet slits. She was wet mostly because he had eaten her out. His saliva was all over her. With one pout of rage, she pushed him off and got up from under him. Having grown up with boys, V knew how to defend herself. And she was generally strong, physically.
She was horrified. She was shaken. She was enraged. He sat down and watched her wipe off his saliva with disgust. V didn’t care that he was watching; she dried every bit of her body that he had touched with his lips while he watched. He sat there embarrassed. He knew what he’d done.
“V, why can’t you give in to me?” Silence. Then almost desperately “What does that guy have that I don’t?”
She walked out. She wanted to cry. V had had several scares but none this close, none this upsetting. When she’d lost her virginity it had been almost the same but after it was done, she was scared and excited and disappointed at the same time, not upset. She left the house disoriented, couldn’t quite walk with her head held high like she always did. Along the road, men called and whistled and did what men did best, but each heckle felt more disgusting than the last. She got to the main road and stopped the first bus that came by. She wasn’t at a bus stop, she was grateful when it stopped. She went to a friend’s house to collect something before going home. She was so embarrassed at the same time. She just wasn’t going to hear of it again. No way she was ever going to sleep with any other piece of junk. And for all she cared, Ali could go to hell. This was partly his fault. If he had been there, if he hadn’t left her hanging and confused, if he had been her man when she needed her man, if…if… if…
Would you believe me if I told you I was kind of raped/almost raped yesterday? Was all she could manage the next day. She just needed to talk to someone; she wanted someone to tell her she would be ok. Ali dismissed her. He did not respond. She felt more frustrated. So she followed that text with another; on second thought, forget it.
He must have taken his time trying to analyze the sincerity of her texts. He took his time then finally…
It was ok for him to ignore it. V didn’t feel bad. She felt blah. She was certain he was over her.
She was mostly scared for her health. What if he had given her something? Or perhaps it was just the rage. She had to go to hospital to be safe, but first, the VCT.