V hadn’t heard from Jimmy in weeks. She didn’t contact him either, because she had no idea what she would say to him. She’d been busy redoing some of the drawings she’d done earlier, but this time focusing on the shading. She needed as much practice as possible. She’d waited for Ali on the day he’d promised to come, and he’d stood her up again. Usually, there would be no explanation, and when she would push for one she got the usual ‘something came up.’ She knew she would be upset for just a while and then she’d go chasing after him again.
On a particular Wednesday she was contacted by Jimmy, almost randomly.
Hey! I’m sorry about last time. I don’t want you to think I was taking advantage of the fact that you need lessons from me. I won’t bother you again if you come, I promise
I didn’t even think that deep. And that day wasn’t entirely your fault
But I’m sorry all the same. I imagine how bad it would be if someone did that to my girlfriend. I’ll get you something to show you how sorry I am
Look, nothing happened, so don’t buy me stuff because you’ll make it awkward
Ok then, but am sorry
Will you please just stop apologizing?
Ok. So, could you come over today? I’ll be at my uncle’s today and tomorrow before I go back to where I have been these past few weeks, and I really would love to see you.
Today won’t be possible. I wish you’d told me earlier
Let me confirm that in the morning please
No, I need to know so that if something else comes up I can cancel with confidence
If something comes up just attend to it, as long as you keep me posted.
You’re mad at me, aren’t you?
No. Please stop insisting
So why are you taking so long to respond
I’m actually busy right now. She wanted to tell him to stop sounding petty but she resisted the urge.
Ok, so tomorrow should I expect you?
I’ll confirm in time
But we’re ok?
Yes. And ok, I’ll come
She wanted a way out of the conversation and she figured that was the only way.
Thursday, she went to his place and found him drawing. After greetings she sat down and watched him draw. The shading bit was now down. She watched him use grids. She knew a little something about drawing using grids but she preferred freestyle drawing. Grids felt like cheating. On the other hand, freestyle drawing was quite hectic and it also took longer to get the features right.
She watched him shade like he’d instructed her. She sat there quiet for a while
“You’re so quiet today”
“I’m watching you draw. I figured I’d let you work in peace.”
“But I can still draw while you talk”
“I don’t know what to say”
“Thanks for coming. Today I just wanted your company”
“That’s ok. I know I’ll still learn something from here.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“What did you mean you’re not sure you have a boyfriend?”
“No, seriously, you’re either in a relationship or you’re not. Which is which?” V went silent for a while but realized he wasn’t giving up.
“I love this guy but I’m not sure what he feels for me. We dated for around seven months then he had to move. We have lost touch since then”
“He doesn’t love you. If a guy loves a girl, he’ll make a point of seeing her”
“You don’t have all the details. You have no idea why he’s been away that long”
“I don’t have to. I’m a guy. When you love a woman and you intend to be with her, you’ll do whatever it takes.”
“You told me you and your girlfriend broke up because she went to Somalia?”
“Yes. Bottom line being, we broke up.”
“This guy isn’t like that.”
“I hope you’re right.”
V was slightly agitated. Who was he to tell her what her man was or was not feeling? She was even more upset because she knew he was right. But her heart had refused to let go.
“He’ll come to visit some day.”
“He was supposed to have come the other week, if I remember correctly”
“He got held up. But I know he will come soon”
“Well, then that’s good news. But seriously, V, you need a guy who will treat you right.”
“He does. Or at least he used to”
“So, anyway, I need you to do a drawing, I’d like to see your progress so that I’ll know whether I can start sending some of my clients to you.”
“But you know I’ve improved a lot since you started helping me”
“I know that. But I need real good quality because I wouldn’t want to lose any of my clients. You know in this business word of mouth is really important.”
“Sure. I’ll bring you something real soon.”
They sat in silence again. V was pondering on everything Jimmy had said about Ali. She knew he was right, but she loved Ali, she couldn’t do anything about it. He was her best friend, he was her confidant, he was the best lover she had ever had, and he was everything she wanted in a man. Or maybe she was just in love. She wondered why he’d let her go. They’d had a good run. They’d had great moments and even greater s3x. She’d been open with him. She’d been nicer to him than she’d been to anyone. She’d been true. She’d done things with him that she’d never done with anyone, and most importantly, she’d fallen deeply in love with him. It hurt.
She was preoccupied even as Jimmy put away his drawing tools and moved in close to hug her. She was startled.
“Hey! What’s up, you said this wasn’t happening again”
“You look sad. And I haven’t done anything.”
She let him hug her. Then she sunk onto his shoulder and just lay still.
“You shouldn’t waste your time on someone that doesn’t value you”
“You shouldn’t tell me what not to do”
He pulled back releasing her from the hug. They looked at each other. Then she looked away. She hated the look of concern in his eyes. Then suddenly she felt his lips on hers. She didn’t fight it. She didn’t look away, she didn’t part her lips, she didn’t react; she just sat there and let him nibble on her lips. Was he right? Should she let go and accept it was over? The kiss was ok, but she wasn’t interested. When he noticed she wasn’t going to kiss him back he started to caress her tits and everything else in the vicinity. V was still horny from the last time and so moments later she was on her back again. This time he didn’t reach out for her belt, he just pushed his crotch on hers. The pressure was transmitting pleasure to her clit, it almost felt like she was having sex but minus the penetration. He did it for a while. At some point V felt too horny to react to anything. She just wanted to be poked hard. She wanted to have the real deal. She was angry at Ali for making her wait this long and become vulnerable. When Jimmy kissed her a second time, she didn’t resist, she went all in with all the hunger she’d piled over the months. It had been six months of no kissing, no fondling, no touching… no nothing. He went for a snog, she was ok with it. She wanted that. She wanted to feel wanted.
For several minutes they stayed that way, snogging, heaving, caressing, dry humping… carried away. Jimmy realized that V’s guard was down. He pulled her jeans down just above her knees. V whispered a helpless “Don’t” but she couldn’t move a limb.
“Don’t worry; I won’t have sex with you unless you want me to.” That sounded reassuring, but V wasn’t so sure how true it was. He slid downwards, his left hand still clasping one of her tits. Then she felt something cold on her clit. She recognized it immediately; it was his tongue. She wanted to say no, but it felt so good. So she lay back, eyes closed… legs opened. He went down on her like he was getting paid for it. V wriggled under him. He came back up to kiss her then went back down then up. Then one time he came up to kiss her and he stayed. Then she heard him unzip his pants.
“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to” V realized that this was getting out of hand. Maybe she was being unfair to him, but she knew she wasn’t ready to have sex just yet. Sure the making out had been tempting but still, she couldn’t pull that plug. So she pulled her legs back together. He did not move. He was trying to make it impossible for her to close them. She could feel his penis just above her kitten. She wanted to give in but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She wasn’t sure if it was still because of the promise of if it was because she loved Ali and knew that she and Jimmy would never go anywhere or if she didn’t want to be the girl he met and slept with without even knowing each other well (one of the loose girls he’d talked about) or if she was just scared. Either way she wasn’t going to do it. She felt like a pretender. She wasn’t sure if what she’d done was acceptable. She was confused. She managed to close her legs then lay there motionless. He waited for a while for her to change her mind but gave in. he stood up and went to take a bath immediately. V felt terrible both for Jimmy and for Ali. What if Ali was actually waiting for her? What if he was honest that he was just busy? But then again, why didn’t he want her to visit? Maybe he was busy, but she wasn’t, why didn’t he want her to visit him? She sighed.
When Jimmy was done in the bathroom, he got dressed. V noticed with horror the big patch on top of her jeans. He’d leaked some, if not all, of his goo on her. That must have hurt. She felt like the worst person ever. Jimmy could barely look at her. She knew that he was upset. She also found out that he was embarrassed due to the stain on her jeans. He only asked her if she would clean up, she passed on that opportunity, she didn’t feel that comfortable with him. She however dried up the stain. She left. This time he saw her to the gate then excused himself. V went home confused. She didn’t know whether to tell Ali what had happened. But then again, to what end?